“Let-go means no competition, no struggle, no fight … just relaxing with existence, wherever it leads. Not trying to control your future, not trying to control consequences, but allowing them to happen … not even thinking about them. Let-go is in the present; consequences are tomorrow. And let-go is such a delightful experience, a total relaxation, a deep synchronicity with existence.”

Today has been interesting. Kinda blubber. Tired after working 2 - 16 hour days in a row. my brain literally was starting to shut down on me. and it still kind of is after a 5 hour nap... just trying to be still and just having faith. got in a huge knockout drag out with a friend. well so called friend. idk if he still is after all that plus the past 2 weeks. he just hurt me with how he has been treating me. i just feel so abandoned and lied to. i gave out my trust and just put my whole heart into. only to end up being something else. something i didn't want to happen. even if things didn't work out in a relationship i still wanted him as a friend.. maybe that can still happen.. it makes me just hate relationships and getting to know people all together. just because i put my whole heart and soul into everything i say and do..   i just guess i need to let go. let go of all of that craziness and let go of life in general. it seems like i should be relieved but i am scared as shit. its like i am jumping off the deep end or off of a pier with out knowing what lies below, how deep it is. guess thats how i know that its all in gods hands. that whatever lies below, it will be ok.  during all of that crazy conversation, opened my bible to find 2corinthians. "that is why we never give u. though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troublesare small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now, rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever".

ahh just gotta focus on that and everything will fall into place. :) off to bed.